Destructive Distillation

I was 8 when i made up my mind that i would be an Astronaut one day. At 10 i wanted to become a Cricketer, at 12 a Scientist and at 14 i wanted to be a Racing Driver. At 16 i woke up.

I knew i wouldnt become any of those. My priorites changed along with my likes and dislikes. I spent my time pondering over how drab my life is, so monotonous and so commonplace. I find an answer after months of unfocussed thought that the the fault lies within me! I never used my time the right way. I was too lazy to try and make things happen.

Paul Coelho says in The Alchemist and i believe :

What's the world's greatest lie? It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate.

We need to recognize what we want, what we are here for. We all live for a purpose; if we dont, we need to find one. We always know what we want to achieve in life, even if we dont know how.

But what is it that one thing in life that i cherish doing the most? What is it that i shall indulge in and forget the rest of the world? People those who have had success, those who have reached the upper echelons of their professions believed in themselves and loved what they did. Here is what Ayrton Senna said, "Racing is everything for me, it is the challenge of my life, it is a profession and a vocation, a hobby and at the same time a virus that has no cure. I have lost interest in everything else, my soul and my body belong to racing."

To reach such a level of commitment and dedication we need to know ourselves in depth and discover that one thing.

When you want something with all your heart, that's when you are closest to the Soul of the World. It's always a positive force.

After we need to focus and set ourselves onto the path, paying no heed to the deterrents, obstacles and there seems to be endless joy in travelling that path we seek.

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

Dreams are the fuel to humanity's quest of excellence and the hope of finding Utopia. We strive always to make things better, because we dream of a world more heavenly, life more beautiful. Dreams give me the impetus to find the one thing and with all my heart pursue it. The result is of little consequence compared to the joy of working for it. It is just a thing waiting to happen based on what we do.

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them.

I still want to be an Astronaut or a Race driver but i know they are far fetched and will remain dreams. This fact though i write now refuses to be acknowledged by my heart or mind. They say life is strange, u never know what turn it takes when. The hope lives on and i refuse to accept things otherwise. I still have other dreams, all of which i can fulfill by proper planning and perspiration.

At 18 I wanted to make my own music. At 19..... I still Dream on.


p.s: I never thought Coelho would figure this much in this post but somehow he makes fantastic sense.

Writing for me is something which makes things absolute, There is a conformity and finality for published material. People find it hard to question its authenticity, validity or bias. Writing gives me joy because it makes me think and be creative. I write on paper. Paper shares my joy and records them preventing loss like that in the unreliable vales of memory. It assuages pain by listening to my woes. It bears my brunt when i am angry. It is infinitely patient and puts up with my tantrums. Paper serves me as the best companion and we communicate throught the language of writing!! As usual like in most friendships of mine it is the silent one and i am the blabbering nut. Paper is my best friend.



But paper is more than that. It gives me sense of importance as i imprint my opinion on it. The paper talks what i think. It is my biggest follower with utmost ignorance. I dont have to face the "half knowledge is dangerous" scenario as i do with real people. It listens patiently to my arguments completely without interrupting. Paper has got more heart and sense too. It helps me channel my thoughts, weigh one matter over the another. It tells me if i make any sense or am talking gibberish because any new thought that is still in my mind confusingly seems to be perfectly rational and deplorably stupid all at the same time. It gives me confidence by showing that i have done something. It gives me a voice to showcase my point of view. It shows me my mistakes when i revisit it and ask it to. It shows me my inadequacies and encourages me to overcome them. It remembers all i said though now i forget, it reminds me of what i did, what i wanted to be and will continue to do so in the future as long as we are companions. Companions we will be for life!

"Are you crazy? U are going on 140", shouts dad. Hmmm when did i get there??
"Yikes, Sorry I dint realize", i reply.

What is it about driving that it makes people like me crazy? It is supposed to be the handling of a self powered machine on wheels used for locomotion. Seems so dull to be defined but what explains the fiery outbursts of joy, wonder, angst while driving. The passion for control of the wheels doesn't discriminate. The power that wrests in your hands over a machine (a beauty in its own sense and reams can be written about it) gives us a feeling of superiority.

My first tryst with driving was when i was asked to drive a kinetic by my uncle. i was in sixth (and by then was pretty good at cycling) I started off (on his insistence) in one of the busiest junctions of the city. However to my utter surprise i had no problems. It was just like bicycling, just didnt have to pedal. Suddenly i felt as if i had got wings. I refused to let him drive again when i was along. The thirst for speed, the thrill of power came upon me. It was bliss like nothing else.

The feeling still persists, the thirst never dies, the joy never fades. That is driving , one of the most delightful activities in life, seldom bored however tiring or painful it turns out to be. Like any other skill, competition brings out the best moments and experiences in driving.
Driving is a mutual communication between man and machine. Somewhat like horse riding. Love your horse, treat it well, it obeys your will. The same goes with cars and bikes. You tell it what to do, it tells you how much it can. The better you drive, the better it performs. The better it performs you will love driving more.

The exhilaration of stepping on the gas after having shifted to the top gear on high revs is enormous. You feel as if you are God. Everything under your control, omnipotency creeps in. I pierce through the wind like a bullet. No one can stop me. But alas, someone always does, always!

I rephrase RL Stevenson and say "I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to drive."

Now dont accuse me for plagiarism! This song belongs to the NINE INCH NAILS. They are quite different with their industrial sounds and striking lyrics. This is their song-- Right where it belongs. Dunno how many times i have listened to it on the trot but it has pulled some chords!

It pushes me into thoughts on the lines of the Matrix philosophy and much more. It makes me think of the confidence i have on the safety of the life i have built. How far am i right? How far am i happy, certain of things around?? Hmmm I dunno!!

Well written songs with captivating music have this inexplicable power of invoking thoughts however common or bizarre!!At the same time they are a creative product of emotions! Cant imagine Humanity without music!

Finally here is the song that made me write all this