Destructive Distillation

This is one of the two days in year where I am not shouted at for receiving calls after midnight. This is MY DAY. Guaranteed happy day every year. Friends and relatives call from all over to wish me. I, like everyone else on their birthdays, get royal treatment, unusual amount of love and affection. It is seen by everyone that I aint unhappy in the remotest way. People overlook my misdemeanour and bear even the stupidest activities. Why would I do that anyway? I get gifts, new clothes, and lots of other goodies. But what tops it all is the quality time I spend with family and friends. Birthdays are an inescapable treat. This one time I want to escape.

I am celebrating my 20^th birthday today. But this is one birthday, (I guess the first) I really did not want to come. I hardly can imagine the non anticipation of birthday I had been through all this month. I wanted to give it a miss and have been wondering how I could skip a day on the Gregorian calendar.

I don’t want to be a 20’s guy. It is painstakingly difficult to digest the fact that around one third (or may be one fourth) of your life is over. Maybe I should feel happy and proud over the fact that I am no longer in the children bracket of any kind and everyone sees me as an adult. Well, one says that when he/she turns 16. 17, 18 or 19 makes no difference. 20 does!

The glorious teens have been the very base of my existence till now considering that all your finest and strong memories have been in those times. Now to reflect on the fact that the phase has gone is depressing. Seeing a 2 in the tens digit place of my age is frightening. It somehow signifies now that I have grown old or rather come of age.

When I first realized this a few months ago, I assessed what was going on in life. The passing turmoil then brought in change and induced zeal. I understood the essence of 20 and the responsibilities and duties that come attached with it. Results now matter to me as they never did before. Maybe because I finished first seldom and now the joy of achievement eludes me. The ecstasy of success was something I was eager for then (and still am). I had made up a list of things I had to do before I turned 20. And the gloom descended now due to the incompletion of the task list. I am not ready yet and it is precisely the reason I am writing this. I am gonna delay it for an year. Why the celebration without success? I will leap from 19 to 21 next year. For once I shall keep the fact of 20 aside. I shall be 19 for another year and make the most of it!!